.DEATH OF A QUEEN

[MINERVA L TRESCOTT]

She just couldn't breath at first. She had little breaths that shifted awkwardly in her throat, like small hiccups, but they got caught up somewhere along the line before her lungs. And pressure built up in her chest, like she couldn't believe, like she had gotten hit by a train. And she started to panic, pulling at the skin for a moment, but then she took a wild gasp and air flow returned. It was like deja vu, she guessed. "No, I don't want to push you away." she wanted to say. "Don't be so goddamn confusing!" she wanted to say. But she had nothing to say, her mouth gave her nothing, her brain gave her nothing. And so he left her, again. And she leaned up in the bed, staring at her empty hands, like there was something they had done wrong, they were the culpruts of heartbreak. She didn't know what to do about any of it. She felt like screaming, maybe crying. "You don't have to do anything to make me happy." She said to the hands, like she was talking to Caleb. But she wasn't. She knew. And so she guessed she should do something about it, but she didn't. She got out of bed, and walked to the balcony. She saw him leave, even in this huge city she knew it was him. His manner, his walking. But she was wrong, she guessed, he was done with her, he said. But maybe she could just stand here and watch him leave, and old on like a crooked widow to that last piece of him she had. Maybe she was a silly girl. But she had lost so much in a matter of seconds, she just wanted to be that silly girl. And as he left, a little sob hitchhiked it's way to her throat, and escaped the trap of her mouth. It was her fault. She'd lost him again. And maybe he wouldn't come back this time. She wanted to scream again.

But her body shut down then. Well, more her mind. It stopped, wretched in it's ways, stopped and left her empty. She walked back inside in a daze, and flopped on the bed. She rolled onto her side, and did nothing. She did not cry, like she might have expected. She watched the clock tick, and tick, and tick, letting her now how much time had been lost since she had lost the biggest piece of her life. It was the worst feeling she could imagine, say, think, or wish upon anyone. No, she wouldn't wish this on anyone. Never. And she wonder who wished it on her.

At some point, she woke up. Maybe she had fallen asleep in between the moments of waiting. But that was a silly way to say it. What was she waiting for? She could guess he might just leave her. That's what she thought, and almost hoped for. It would be best for him, go back and live his peppy, picturesque life with Devon, because that was the way it was supposed to be. But then what happened to her? Did she just stay like this, frozen in time? And then what happened to the band? She was a broken, selfish shell as it was, and she couldn't hold it together to sing with Caleb, or even in his presence. So she guessed that was the end of that.

She leaned up in bed. It was still dark out, but she daren't look at the clock, the deceiver who had been all but too happy to let her know how long her sentence was stretching into. On the floor, there was a shirt. Oh, right, Caleb's shirt. His pillow was still here. Her little harbringer of debt, that thing. She didn't know what to do. She walked out onto the balcany. And suddenly anger swelled all through her delicate frame, and she pulled at the necklace, ripping and tearing until a few of the links broke, and she stood looking at it in her hand. Angry tears stung the back of her eyes, forcing themselves out onto her face. She screamed in frustration, and let her hand fly back, throwing the pendant down the stories of the hotel.

Instantly, she regretted it. She wiped her eyes, and walked out of the room, determined to get it back. It might be the best piece she had left of him, and she would be a fool to throw it away like that. So she made her way down the floors, walking out onto the street. After looking (like an idiot) on the ground, she finally saw the glimmer, and found the chain and charm. She smiled with a little satisfaction, and then bent back up. As she turned to go back up to her room, she saw a couple going into the hotel. She would recognize that boy anywhere. And then the hair on her became shamefully apparent, with it's cut and color. How stupidly hopeful she had been, even though hope had never resided in her heart. She sulked back up to her room, surprisingly mellow for what she had seen. While Min should have been falling apart, she was merely melancholy. But then her heart broke again, and she went back into her zombie state. She grabbed his pillow and took it out to the balcany.

She lay on the cold concrete floor of it, and sat staring out into building. The murmur and hum of the city was like a ambien for her mind, and she slowly shifted off into sleep. She just sang a little to herself. And I'm on, my way to believing... She would never sing it to him now.

ooc; haha. had to put this up. i've been thinking about it forever. and now you know how she found out, i guess. (but he should tell her anyway.